InsaneJournal

Current mood:	calm
Current music:	Danger Radio - Things

I think the end of GJ was officially the end of my journaling since I've only updated this once. I just don't care enough anymore. So here's most likely my final update about the past 4 months.

I graduated. I'm moving into my dorm in 8 days. I'm ready now. It's time. Go Cougs.

Ireland never happened. Mom & Dad paid for Caitlin and I to take a trip of our own instead so we went to Cancun for one amazing week. I swam with a dolphin, ziplined in the jungle, fell off a bike in front of many people (twice), snorkeled in a cave, got really drunk, danced on a bar, drank a lot of margaritas, fell asleep on the bathroom floor, tanned, sunburned, bonded with my sister, got sand in my butt, got hit on by very creepy Venezuelan men who asked to grope me, etc. Caitlin and I bonded and had so much fun together. I was nervous about clubbing with her but we had fun. Especially me.

Caitlin moved to Arizona to teach a 2nd grade class in a really nice school. I'm happy for her but devastated that she's not here to help me move into my dorm, and upset that we're separated after finally feeling close again. Cancun was good for us. I miss her.

Mom's in chemo. The look on her face when my dad shaved off her hair...I cry thinking about it. I never, ever want to see her have that look on her face again. I've never seen her look so devastated. She looked so brave as he did but as soon as he said "okay" and stepped back she started to cry in a way I've never seen her cry before. Not when she told me she had cancer, not when Maggie died, never have I seen her have this look on her face. It was awful in ways I can't describe. I hugged her and cried with her and told her she looked fine. She's much more okay with being bald now, but that day was the hardest day of this whole ordeal by far.

She has good and bad days, but the bad are never terrible. She looked so tired at my graduation party. She's tired today. But the really bad drugs are done with. Radiation starts soon. I am in no way okay with the fact that I am moving away while she's still undergoing treatment, so I can't even talk about it. I haven't dealt with it. I just can't.

Megan and I drifted apart because of Robby, but things are better now and I think we're going to be okay. I felt really hurt and betrayed about her abandoning me for some guy when I needed her most, and I still haven't confronted her about that. But in turn Claire and I became closer than ever. She has been my angel through everything I've been through these past few months and I love her so goddamn much, I can't imagine WSU without her and I don't know how we're going to handle being apart. We've been glued to each other all summer.

I've become a total fucking stoner. But you know what? I've had the best fucking summer and weed is a big reason why. I don't give a fuck. I've seriously been having the time of my life with my friends, despite how much life sucks at home some days, and almost all of my best memories and quotes from this summer happened while I was high.

I'm going to miss everyone here so much. But I know WSU was the right choice. It's time for me to do something entirely on my own. It's weird how this ended up being the best and worst summer of my life. I've cried so much but laughed so much too.

I have 8 days left at home. I'm either going to smoke and watch Pineapple Express with a bunch of people or go to a party tonight. The remaining 8 days will be spent stoned most likely. Then it's time for goodbye's which I'm not looking forward to. But I'm so ready to start over at WSU.